So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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