the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
