Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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