Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
