she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
