i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
