Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
