Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
