At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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