And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I want a musical about memes.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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