I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
