I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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