I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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