I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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