I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
