He had one of those small greek statue penises
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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