Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize