terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
