i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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