There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
