Where is the hickey?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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