I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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