Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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