remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
