Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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