pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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