paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just threw up on my dentist
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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