I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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