i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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