So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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