i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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