He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
