if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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