i may or may not be watching the land before time
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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