The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
