what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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