I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You can't special order awesome
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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