it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
