Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
