I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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