can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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