After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
