He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize