You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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