I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
