What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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