Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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