He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
