Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
