It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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