you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
