So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
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That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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