piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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