There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize