please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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