I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
