He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You've changed since you got that strap on
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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