He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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