They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
