remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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