Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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